| she knows that it exists but didn't know if it could exist for her, again. |
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| she felt like the world's ragdoll; a plaything; a comfort item to be used until worn beyond repair.
please do not string me along.
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| “what do you want me to say?” he asked.
“i don’t know,” she replied.
she knows that life sometimes makes the choices for you and
she didn’t want him to ask her to stay or tell her to leave. it wasn’t what she wanted him to say rather
than what she really wanted him to do: read her mind.
lately, she was in a state of flux—a little frustrated, a
tad happy, a bit sad, and much ambivalence towards her fate. all she wanted was something that she could
never say aloud: to be babied.
most days she was fine but at just that one moment she
wanted to collapse under the stress and into the arms of a man, to be held and
told that everything would work itself out.
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| i am numb to the world today. the entire week has dragged itself out yet
has become such a blur in my mind. i was
asked: isn’t this what you’ve wanted?
yes, it is.
it is different though, to have the end be on my terms and
to not have to watch something that i’ve built from the ground up suddenly
crash and burn. i was also not ready for
this emotional rollercoaster; i never would have thought that moving would be
so hard, that i love santa barbara and its residents this much.
i’ve lost myself to a flurry of frenzy this week and woke up
this morning not recognizing who i am. i
guess this is what you call one of those “chapters in life”.
i am ready now; i am me again; i will conquer the world
ahead.
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| i have been writing though i have not been posting. these days, it doesn't seem my imagination has much creativity nor do my words produce lovely strings of sentences.
i do want to say though, that today is the first day of the rest of my life. today marks the start of a new chapter.
thank you for looking over my shoulder, dear angel. i know this must be a blessing in disguise.
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